I doubt most people would say '22' is technically "Old" by the general standard, but I can't say I'm a kid anymore, that's for sure. I think its interesting though how there are so many landmark ages that happen when you are younger (13 = become a teenager, 16 = can get a drivers license ("Sweet sixteen"), 18 = legally adult (HUGE amount of new rights/responsibilities), 21 = legal drinking age, and probably others) so in a way that makes me feel sort of "old" now in almost a figurative sense in that I have already gone past all these well-known landmarks everyone experiences. It's also strange to realize how I am able to retain the feeling of being younger when I bring up strong memories from my childhood or when going back to watch an episode just for fun of Dragon Tales, Clifford the big red dog, Magic School Bus, Tom and Jerry, and other shows that were a huge part of my childhood. It still brings out the same feeI or vibe of when I watched those shows or had those experiences.
It's also interesting to think about how I envisioned myself now when I was roughly 10 years younger, the identity I am finding as myself is VERY different from what I thought it would be. For one thing, being even 20 seemed like it was AGES away. It's almost scary how fast the time goes by. When you are a kid or a teen it feels like you will live forever. I'm starting to get to the age where that is feeling less and less true. In some respects that would seem like a disadvantage, but it also helps me to value each day a little more than I would have in the past because the fact that there are only so many days to live feels much more real to me than it did then. I also think I am starting to grow up much more in a mental respect; it used to be that I felt somewhat content with being isolated and alone for most of the time and now I am really starting to feel lonely and am wanting more and more to be able to share my life with someone special and with close friends. I am finally truly recognizing how much I really need other people in my life much more than I ever have known. The idea of living alone the rest of my life is truly terrifying.
There are so many changes about myself and my identity that I never would have predicted years ago as well. I never really saw myself as having a beard or brown hair - my hair used to be white-blonde, I never thought it would turn so dark that its now a light brown, nor did I ever think I would grow a beard by this age. I think that my personality is still mostly the same, I find that my shyness and logical thought processes are extremely rigid and will always be a part of who I am. I certainly never saw myself becoming a furry or sonic fan and becoming a sonic and furry artist - I used to have extreme difficulty drawing anything that even resembled a person or animal, I always resorted to drawing stick figures. I used to say "if it has a face on it, I can't draw it." I feel proud that I was able to prove myself wrong, and that I have found a home with a group that I feel a strong connection to both personally and impersonally. I'm pretty sure I will consider myself a part of the furry fandom for a very, VERY long time. One thing I was certain of was that I would still be obsessed with weather, which of course I am. I think that my interests, though still very narrow, have spread out a bit to other branches of ideas and hobbies, which I think is an overall positive thing.
Those of you who have been around a few years on this site just as I have may have noticed my journals concerning birthdays are not the somewhat typical "YAY FOR ME ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!1!!11" themes - I often take the time to reflect on my life so far because I think that while it is important to plan for the future, it is also important to remember how you got to where you are now. What future is there to plan if you have nothing to base it on? My oldest sister likes to pretend that here childhood didn't even exist and refused to talk about it partly because of some serious psychological issues she went through then. Even if you don't like who you were in the past, I do not think it is a healthy thing to reject and forget that past person, because that past person is still you, and all the experiences you had are tools you can use to help make decisions in your life now. I have made some serious mistakes in the past few years and I don't try to forget them, because its how I know not to repeat them. If it didn't work then, it most likely won't work now. That isn't to say there aren't good ideas that just happen to be brought out in the wrong way or the wrong time that should therefore be abandoned because they didn't work. Some things deserve a second chance depending on the circumstances. In any case, I think I have generally stayed on the right track, and I look at what could have gone wrong and where I am now instead and conclude I'm not doing to badly so far. Hopefully that trend will continue.
I also thought I would say I'm sorry for being so critical of the site changes - I think looking back on that now that I was overreacting a little bit. I am particularly sensitive to changes in general, and when a website decides to make major changes to it's layout it drives me almost insane at first. That is NOT to say that I am no longer upset by the nature of some of the changes and by the fact that the staff blatantly misrepresented the communities' opinions and largely ignored them. This is what makes me most upset. I am becoming increasingly skeptical of the "Deviantart loves you!" claim on the site pages. I think a more truthful statement right now would be 'Deviantart loves money and attention!" I am not convinced that deviantart will ever be as good as it was when I first joined either. Certainly not if these trends continue.
Well, that about wraps up everything I wanted to say! Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, especially those I didn't thank in the comments on my page already! I really do appreciate it!
Tails4evr really needs to go to bed! DX
"The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating"- Jarod Kintz